Friends

A question came up recently regarding what can and should be asked of friends. Specifically, it arose during a debate with Brian over what good friends should be willing to do for one another. He seems to be fine with seeing certain friends once a week, perhaps at a dinner, and considers that interaction enough to sustain an ongoing friendship in some circumstances. It probably is, but my position differs from his by quite a bit. Ultimately, I think he took my contention -- that good friends should be reliable, and a regular influence if at all possible -- as an indictment of him, but that is not at all the case.

Of my good friends, I honestly don't believe that I want too much. In fact, I want nothing more than that which I am willing to give. If I am willing to do something for someone, I want them to be willing to do the same for me. Is that too much to ask? Is equality something that I should not strive for?

I don't think so. Given the state of my friendships at the moment -- healthy and growing -- I think that I ask a lot, yes, but not too much. Because what is friendship worth if you are not on the same terms? In fact, I believe it is worth much more when you find people who understand that the only way to cultivate a strong friendship is to depend on one another to some degree. Rodion, at least, seems to understand this. On his website, he recently listed "to always hang out with my boys from college" as one of the things he wants in life. Amen to that, Ro.

From friends, I only want so much. Most importantly, I want someone who is loyal to a certain degree (of course, that is reciprocated on my side). Now, it must be said that the loyalty to which I refer does not entail following me to the ends of the Earth, or, if a military (or ghetto) analogy can be tolerated, those willing to take a bullet. But it does mean that those friends should be willing to go to certain lengths for the friendship and to desire to be a regular participant in it. Otherwise, what is the point?

If possible, I don't want friends whom I only see infrequently unless the circumstances dictate that we are apart and can only see one another on rare occasion (e.g., my good friends from home and college). I am not looking for dinner or lunch friends. Inevitably, I'll have some: those people who have moved so far out of the sphere of my life that we only have time to get together when at our most practical. With them, I hope we can at some point recreate our past friendships, which, undoubtedly, were once much more robust. This is fact of life, one that I do not wish to dismiss or avoid.

However, friends who live close by should never be relegated, in my opinion, to once-a-month dinners at nice restaurants. What can I possibly derive from such a thing? A synposis of their current situation? A glimpse into their leisure and work time? Their take on whatever story is most prevalent in the news? This is not what I am seeking from friends. Truth be told, as impractical as it may be given the fact that we are all working now and carving our own lives out of the real world, I want more.