Local Warming

Though scientists and politicians continue to debate the existence of global warming, I am hear to announce that the issue has been settled. Based on my observations after living through two very wintery winters in NYC, I am ready to declare once and for all that the globe is indeed warming. My conclusive proof? It is 60 degrees -- six zero -- outside today, this November 17th.

Never fear. Global warming isn't all bad. At the very least, it gives residents of the East Coast a small taste of what it is like to be Californian. And, more importantly, it is presently providing me a much-deserved respite from the cold.