Delivery unto me

When there is snow on the ground, it's simple: I'd rather not go outside. That, of course, leads to problems when it is time to eat and the refridgerator is barren. This is a more common occurrence than one might expect because having food supplies on hand involves going to the grocery store. Hence, the central importance of delivery.

I've heard that the true measure of a town is its delivery options. While I'll admit it is nice to have choice of something more than Domino's pizza and cheap, stomach ache-inducing Chinese, a plethora of delivery options doesn't do all that much for me. It's all still delivery, and therein lies the problem. By the time I am hungry enough that delivery comes to mind, I am usually too hungry to wait the requisite 30-45 minutes for the guy on the bike to get here. This is true no matter what cuisine I've ordered.

It gets worse. By the time the food arrives, my hunger has mysteriously vanished, and I'm left with food I would have paid 20% less for if I had eaten it in the comfort of the restaurant. Plus, because it traveled from its place of origin to my building in the freezing cold, its bordering on lukewarm. Unsurprisingly, my appetite doesn't usually come rushing back.

Food delivery thus represents reason number 136,754 why someone needs to invent teleportation. To the inventors of the world: Do this simple task, and I'll help get you a patent on your invention free of charge. Depending on the outcome of my patents final tomorrow, this offer may be withdrawn for your own good.